From a magical trip to Miami to a challenging time in China, Kia shares the good, bad and ugly of travelling with strangers
There’s always one. That summarises my philosophy when it comes to group travel. There’s always one person who will annoy you beyond what is tolerable. In Miami – an otherwise magical trip – it was a journalist who couldn’t leave a single sight without asking a dozen questions, holding up the rest of us.
In India, it was an inveterate witterer. For some reason, this woman – let’s call her Millie – felt the need to narrate the entire trip. Incidentally, her teenage daughter wore noise-cancelling headphones near-constantly, leaving the rest of us to deal with the wittering.
This meant that unless I had my own headphones on, I would hear from the row behind me: “We seem to be driving at around 20mph. Or maybe 25. No, more like 20. Oh, look. There are some bicycles parked there. Oh, more bicycles. Shops as well. It looks as if they’re greengrocers. They sell fruit. Oh, they sell drinks too. Maybe we could stop. Oh, it’s too late. I should have said something.”
No, Millie. You should not have said something. In fact, you should not say anything. What you should say is nothing.
Anyway, you get the point.
A group tour can be a safe, fun and companionable way to see a foreign country. It can also be stressful and annoying. To help everyone fare better on their next group tour, I share 10 hard-won dos and dont’s below.
1. Do book your own room
While planning my solo trip to China, I was faced with a dilemma: spend an extra four hundred pounds on my own room, or try my luck and hope that my bunkmate didn’t snore or hog the bathroom.
Ultimately, I decided to cough up, which was absolutely the right decision. While the girl I would have ended up sharing with was lovely, it was so comforting to retire to my own room at the end of a busy day. I could take out my social battery and relax properly rather than retaining that polite veneer that we present to strangers.
It’s important to have some time alone on a group tour so, if you can afford it, I would highly advise that you book your own room.
2. Don’t act like a child
There’s something about group tours that tends to bring out the child in people – and not in a good way.
Grown adults – who likely spend their lives juggling responsibilities – suddenly expect to be parented. Their reasoning is I’ve paid a lot of money for this, so you have to take care of me! This is fair, but it doesn’t negate the need for basic etiquette.
I’ve shared trips with adults who have spoken over the guide while she’s telling us important information, turned up significantly late for excursions, thrown a tantrum when plans went awry, or lost the ability to think for themselves.
One example: in Shanghai, as my group walked to the Bund in a downpour, an American teacher on our tour glared at my umbrella and said, “Where did you get that?”
“At the hotel reception,” I told her.
She glared at the other umbrellas in the group. “Where did they get those?”
“Most likely the hotel reception,” I said.
She huffed. “Well, our guide could have told us they were available!”
It seems that everyone except her had looked outside, seen the rain and asked to borrow an umbrella – without having to be told by our guide that water is wet.
In summary: don’t act like a child just because you’re paying someone to take care of you.
3. Do help the guide
In New Zealand, we christened one member of our group the MVP (most valuable player) because he was always thoughtful and considerate. For example, he would bin any coffee cups left behind by other members of our group, assist our guide with luggage and generally make the trip more pleasant. (Shout-out to Ghassan!)
Peter and I learnt from him and applied the same behaviour in our latter group tours. This was always noticed and appreciated by our guide. If you are able to, do pitch in where possible.
4. Don’t be too negative
Most of us will reach a low point on any given tour. I remember waiting on a platform in India, convinced that our train would never come. It was five hours late. It was December and far colder than I had expected. The nearest commode was not up to par. And there was noise and chaos everywhere.
The overnight journey on the train was its own distinct nightmare. A situation like this can sour your opinion of a country and feed negativity. This, in turn, can infect an entire group.
Eventually, what might have been received as a minor inconvenience at the start of a trip becomes overblown. As such, try to keep your negativity in check and don’t let others’ mood colour your own.
5. Do ask questions
On one of my group trips, there was a shy young Irishman who didn’t ask me a single question over our 15-day tour. It’s true that we didn’t have much in common (and maybe he thought I was just plain boring), but I found his lack of curiosity remarkable.
Do make an effort even with those you don’t naturally vibe with. Sometimes, these conversations will be shallow but in many cases, they will lead to something more.
Take the American teacher in Shanghai. When I later asked her about her life, she spoke passionately about art. She said she loved to paint but it was hard to make a living from art, so she became a teacher instead. She showed me some of the drawings she had made on the tour, which undid some of the ill will I felt after umbrella-gate.
6. Don’t be too polite
I was bracing myself for a 5-hour journey on a bullet train. I was tired and hungry, my social battery was drained and all I wanted to do was read, eat or sleep. That’s when Paul (see no. 10 below) came and sat beside me along with another member of our group. I knew I wouldn’t be able to relax so I did something I would normally never do.
I stood up and said, “Actually, I’m going to leave you guys to chat. I’m super tired and don’t want to be anti-social!” With that, I moved to a different row.
Sacrificing your comfort so not to be mildly rude will exhaust you – especially over the course of a multi-week trip. Don’t be afraid to be honest when you really need to.
7. Do book extra time at the big sights
If there is a dream destination that you have always wanted to visit, book some extra time there at the start or end of your group tour.
G Adventures, for example, tend to start or end their tours at major sights. In Cambodia, we finished at Angkor Wat. In Myanmar, we finished at Bagan.
A group tour will give you an overview of a sight, but if you really want to explore, book some extra days on your own.
8. Don’t get too personal
Full disclosure: I am often guilty of this one.
A group tour is a hotbed of forced intimacy. You share long journeys and big experiences with people who were complete strangers mere days before. The constant proximity forces a level of conversation that is otherwise unnatural.
Add balmy weather or copious cocktails, and social mores tend to disappear. I’ve found myself asking questions I wouldn’t in other settings (e.g. why did you break up with your ex, how long have you been single).
I’m not saying that you can’t get personal at all. Just be mindful of how much the other person seems willing to share. If they’re keeping things surface-level, don’t get too personal.
9. Don’t be cheap with your tip just because someone else is
I have been on a tour where one member of the group put a tenth of the recommended amount into our collective tip.
Peter and I were chagrined that our own tip would be diluted by her meagre contribution, but there was nothing we could do. Another couple on the tour opted to tip separately as they had been burned in a similar way on a different trip.
My advice is to not dwell on it. Be generous with your tip and let it go.
10. Finally, do be wary of the guy who “just broke up” with his ex
I have a friend who got involved with a guy who “just broke up” with his ex before their group tour to Mexico.
I also have a friend who got involved with a guy who “just broke up” with his ex before their group tour to Argentina.
Both friends returned to London with promises of romance only to be told by the guy in question that he’d reunited with his ex. Convenient.
As for me, one of my fellow travellers in China – let’s call him Paul – told me that he had “just broke up” with his ex. He sat next to me on every journey and at every meal until I genuinely felt that I couldn’t turn around without finding him lurking there.
Be wary of this guy. Or don’t. But just know what you’re getting yourself into.
We recommend G Adventures for you next group tour.
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